Healing Through Connection: What to Do When Life Leaves You Shattered
- Kori Propst Miller, PhD
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
There are moments in life that leave you feeling completely undone—and it’s in these moments that healing through connection quietly begins to matter most.
The ground shifts. The air thickens. You look around and nothing feels familiar anymore—not even yourself.
Sometimes, this shows up as emotional fog—the kind that rolls in cyclically, hormonally, making your thoughts feel heavier than usual. Other times, it’s circumstantial: the loss of a relationship, a diagnosis, a life event that splits your world into before and after.
Regardless of the cause, one thing becomes painfully clear:
You don’t know what to do. And even if you did, you might not have the energy to do it.
I’ve sat in that place myself. And I’ve sat with many others in it too.
And what I’ve learned—again and again—is that healing doesn’t happen through isolation.
It happens through connection.
Healing Through Connection Begins With Awareness
This past weekend, I slipped into one of those foggy places.
The fourth week of my cycle tends to bring a deep, weighty cloud.
My thoughts spiral into:
“What’s the point?”
“Why am I even here?”
“Would it really matter if I died now?”
It’s not an emergency anymore, because I know these thoughts.
I recognize the pattern.
And while I don’t love it, I also don’t shame it.
Instead, I redirect.
I cleaned the bathrooms. The garage. My gym equipment. The cat crate. My bikes.
Not as a distraction—but as a grounding.
A reminder of the life I’ve built.
A tactile way to reconnect with purpose, when my mind forgets how.
Where We Get the Idea That Healing Means Erasing
When we talk about personal growth, we tend to imagine a version of ourselves that no longer struggles.
We assume that healing means:
Getting rid of our anger
Silencing our inner critic
Erasing the shame
Never doubting ourselves again
But that’s not how it works.
Real change doesn’t come from erasing parts of ourselves. It comes from relating to them differently.
You don’t have to banish the voice that says you’re unworthy. You just have to learn not to take your cues from it anymore.
Healing through connection means developing a relationship with the difficult parts of ourselves—one that’s compassionate, conscious, and flexible.
A Story of Desolation and the Power of Healing Through Connection
One of my clients is living through something unimaginably hard.
Years ago, her husband told her, “If I ever lose my mind, just cut me loose.” He said it jokingly, but seriously. The kind of statement that sticks.
Fast forward to now: a devastating car accident, a traumatic brain injury, and a life completely altered.
He’s in six hours of therapy a day, relearning how to walk, talk, and function.
She told me recently, “I don’t think there’s a good chance either of us will have a fulfilling life.”
This is grief in motion.
This is ambiguous loss.
This is being shattered.
And here’s the hard truth: the fog may not lift in the way she wants it to. Not for a long time. Maybe never in the way she imagined.
So what do you do when you’re in that kind of desolation?
You err on the side of connection.
Not surface-level optimism. Not forcing yourself to “stay positive.”
But choosing—when you can—to stay connected.
To the people who can witness you.
To the reality of what is.
To your own nervous system.
To meaning, even when it’s not yet clear.
Healing through connection doesn’t fix the pain. But it holds you through it.
A Very Different Kind of Fog—and How She Found Her Way Out Through Connection
Another client of mine is young, smart, and recently heartbroken.
She made the right choice to leave a relationship—but she felt wrecked by it.
“I don’t know what to do,” she told me in our first session.
“I’m scared I made a mistake. I feel so alone.”
She didn’t grow up with parents who could hold her through emotions like these.
But even without a model for emotional connection, something inside her knew she needed help. That she couldn’t heal by herself.
So she reached out.
Week by week, I watched her re-enter her own life.
She took on a creative project that could advance her career.
She started dancing again.
Reaching out to friends.
Reconnecting with what had always brought her joy—before the relationship, and now, again.
Each session, she would tell me: “I feel a little better than last week.”
This is also healing through connection.
Not dramatic. Not headline-worthy.
But real.
Not All Fog Lifts the Same Way
These two women are on wildly different journeys.
But their healing has something in common:
Connection is what brings them back.
Not fixing.
Not faking.
Not forcing.
Connecting.
To someone safe.
To something meaningful.
To the truth of where they are.
What Healing Through Connection Might Look Like for You
You don’t need to know how to feel better today. But maybe you can:
Text someone who feels safe
Go for a walk in your neighborhood and feel your feet on the earth
Clean something, not to control—but to care
Write a letter to the part of you that’s struggling
Cry in the shower and not apologize for it
Name the thing you’re afraid to name
Say: “I don’t know, but I want help.”
These are all acts of connection. And they matter.
When You Don’t Know What to Do, Stay Close
So if you’re in that place—that fog, that ache, that not knowing—this is for you.
You don’t need to become someone else.
You just need to stay close.
To the people who get it.
To the parts of yourself that are trying to speak.
To the possibility that there’s another side to this. Even if you can’t see it yet.
Err on the side of connection. And let that be enough, for now.
💬 Want a gentle way to take this deeper?
If this blog resonated with you, I created a free Reflection Worksheet to help you explore your own healing through connection—especially during those foggy moments when you don’t know what to do.
It’s a quiet, compassionate space to check in with yourself, name what you’re feeling, and reconnect with what steadies you.
You don’t have to figure it all out. Just stay close.
🌿 Stay Connected
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