One of the most common things I hear from my clients is “I don’t have any motivation!”
When I hear it, rather than giving them a master class on motivation, I ask them to tell me more.
I dig in. We pull back the layers. We don’t leave that statement just hanging there… like a heavy, wet blanket!
Here’s what we find when the curtains are pulled back.
There is no such thing as no motivation.
Yes. That is right. Read that again.
There is no such thing as no motivation.
So Why Do I have No Motivation?
We are ALL motivated for something.
If you aren’t motivated to do _________________…
You’re motivated to do something else!
Think of the last time you said, “I don’t have any motivation to work out.”
There was something else you probably wanted to or felt like doing instead.
Sleeping in?
Reading?
Eating?
Watching TV?
Maybe it was even something else that would be good to get done– it just wasn’t the thing that you had planned to do or said you were going to do!
Cleaning, anyone?
So we’re always motivated to do something.
It just may not be the thing that is going to net us the biggest bang for the buck.
Or make us proud.
Or build our confidence.
Or support our mindset.
Or power our potential.
Or help us practice being the person we want to be!
I believe it’s a dangerous thing to say we don’t have motivation.
It sets the stage for a belief that there is something fundamentally flawed about us.
When we say to ourselves, “I just don’t have the motivation,” tell me what follows!
Does it sound something like…
“What’s wrong with me?”
Or “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
Or “Why did I ever think I could stick with this.”
Or “I must not want it badly enough.”
THESE ARE ALL LIES.
What’s actually happening is that you just don’t understand what the heck motivation is. Or how it works.
Motivation is really about engagement. And there are very real variables that affect our level of engagement!
Have you ever heard of athletes not sleeping the night before their events and then having some of their best performances?
It happens all the time!
How do you make sense of that?
If they viewed motivation as this thing that they either have or they don’t have, and it was like a battery that was full or not, what do you think would happen?
Do you think that world-class athletes always want to or feel like training?
Always want to or feel like preparing their food or prioritizing their nutrition?
No.
They don’t rely on motivation to do what they need to do.
This doesn’t mean they’re perfect. We all know that sometimes top performers don’t perform their best on the day that “matters most.”
What it means is they have trained their minds – not just their bodies– to meet the demands of their days. Of their lives.
They also understand motivation. All the things that keep them engaged. And what doesn’t!
They know what to think and how to think when it gets hard.
When they’re tired.
When their bodies are screaming at them to stop..
When there are things going on in their lives that they'd rather not be dealing with.
They know the levers to pull when they need to show up.
I want you to imagine you’re the controller of this beautiful, state-of-the-art machine, and in front of you, at your dashboard, are 7 levers.
Your quality of motivation is determined by these 7 levers!
2 levers are DRIVERS.
These two drivers are called:
Internal
External
2 levers are REWARDS.
The two types of rewards are called:
Intrinsic
Extrinsic
3 levers are FOUNDATIONS
Your 3 foundations are called:
Autonomy
Competence
Relatedness
Let’s look at the drivers first.
Internal motivation means that you do something because you want to do it.
Ever heard someone say, “I want to want to…”
This is not the same thing.
If you want this lever to really make a difference, you better get crystal clear on ALL THE REASONS this is something you want to do (purpose) and WHY (meaning).
And all the reasons you want to do this instead of other things!
Because guaranteed, there will be obstacles along the way, and you need to be able to come back to your WHY, over and over again.
You can ask this question to get started here:
What’s driving my desire to do this (from an inside perspective)?
There have been many times on my hard rides that I want to stop. I never have. Not yet. Why?
Because I have super strong internal drivers. I’ve honed them over the years. They’re very clear. They will cut through any negativity that comes into my mind.
Do you have your internal drivers dialed?
External motivation means that you do something because someone else wants you to do it.
External = outside of you.
You may be thinking that this lever is more fragile.
And you’d be right.
If the only reason I am working so hard and showing up so consistently to build my business is because one of my parents said that the only honorable profession is to be an entrepreneur, whoooooaaaa, buddy.
Can you imagine the fledgling motivation I’d experience?
The goal isn’t even mine!
It’s riding on fear of rejection by another person.
It’s “held up” by the need for approval!
Bad news.
But let’s look at when external motivation works pretty well.
Let’s say we have a person who just knows that they thrive in environments where they’re on a team.
They do well when they know they have a responsibility to another person or multiple people.
They appreciate that outside accountability.
They don’t want to let their teammates down.
And, what they are doing is something clearly defined to be valuable, important, meaningful, and attached to their personal values!
Awesome!
Strong driver for action, right?!
The real impact and necessity for internal motivation should be obvious.
If you’re reliant on other people to do what’s important to you all the time, what happens when they let you down? When they don’t step up or show up?
Do you just give up?
We need internal motivation honed and chiseled. And we can utilize the external driver when the internal may be waning just a bit.
Another cycling example– humor me! :) On my particularly rough rides, I know I’m not going to give up, but there is a struggle.
My body screams at me.
Thoughts bolt into my mind that are not helpful.
I’ve got to try a lot harder to close the doors of my mind to them.
And what helps is to deliberately conjure the voice of my husband.
“Ain't nothin’ to it but to do it.”
I would hate to end the ride telling him that I stopped.
I would hate to have to say that and feel the disappointment.
These are strong drivers for me. What I want to feel and what I don't. They are purposeful.
Okay, let’s keep going. I know you’re motivated to learn more… and not because anyone is telling you that you have to!
The first reward lever is intrinsic motivation.
This is when you perform an action for the sake of the action itself.
There’s joy in it.
You’re grateful you can and have the ability to pursue it.
You appreciate the idea of it.
Let’s say you’re tracking your food. When you’re intrinsically motivated to do so, you just like the act of tracking.
It feels rewarding internally because of what you learn about your nutrition.
You get to satisfy your desire to make healthy changes and modifications so you feel better and can optimize your energy!
I ride my bike because I love learning about riding my bike!
I am in awe of what the human body can do!
It affords me the ability to connect with other things I value– connection with my husband, nature, myself, honing my mindset, my ability to do hard things!
I don’t get paid to ride my bike. I willingly put myself into difficult situations to test my mettle.
It’s all about a sense of purpose, pride, curiosity, fun, mastery, body appreciation, and passion!
Extrinsic motivation is your other reward lever.
This looks like engaging in an activity or taking an action because you want to earn a reward (i.e., grades, points, kudos from your boss, likes and comments on your social media post, a work promotion, status and reputation).
Or…
To avoid punishment or consequences.
People who are extrinsically motivated tend to feel really empty, frustrated, and ungrounded.
When you make choices based on outcomes, there is very little satisfaction that can be present in your life lest you’re “always winning the prize.”
And that leads to the last 3 levers.
What’s most important to know first is that internal and intrinsic motivation support these FOUNDATIONS big time!
And the opposite is true as well.
These 3 levers are called the Basic Psychological Needs as outlined in Self-Determination Theory. They support intrinsic and internal motivation!
When we choose activities and take actions because we have chosen them (vs someone else choosing it for us– and potentially threatening a punishment if we don’t), our autonomy is supported.
Autonomy is not independence, like most people think!
It’s our sense of choice!!
When we act autonomously, we can say, “I chose this!”
It’s a feeling of volition.
There has been no coercion, nothing is being demanded of us.
We are doing it with agency!
We feel like we’re in charge.
You can probably see how external motivation doesn’t support autonomy.
It’s like a weight loss coach telling you that you absolutely cannot eat ____________. Fill in the blank.
Competence
Competence is our felt sense of sufficiency to engage in a task.
Do we feel competent to figure it out if we don’t know something?
Do we believe in our ability to learn, find out?
And, does the activity or task support the growth of our sense of sufficiency?
If you’re part of a coaching relationship, you want to learn something, right? Change something? You’re interested in engaging in a pursuit to grow in some way.
When you are internally and intrinsically motivated, competence is galvanized!
When you have a coach who is encouraging, who gives you choices, who sees your strengths and points them out, and who believes in your ability to grow, your competence is also galvanized!
Relatedness
Relatedness (aka, connection) is a felt sense of belonging or closeness with self and others. It’s a feeling of being cared for and being able to care for.
When you’re aiming for likes and follows on your social, when it’s all about the # on the scale, when you do what you do because you want an “atta boy” from your coach…
None of these things lead to true connection.
When you dress in a certain way to impress people.
When you lose weight in order to get compliments or finally feel acceptable and like you matter…
None of these things lead to true connection.
Relatedness is not supported authentically when you are trying to fit in.
And when you’re shape-shifting and people-pleasing to get friends, just know that it won’t be a true connection.
So a focus on image or status, for example, as we’ve seen with extrinsic motivation, doesn’t support connection.
What levers are you pulling?
There you have it. Motivation is so much more than whether you feel like it or not.
You also absolutely have it. No question.
The question is what’s supporting it?
And are the levers being pulled the ones that are going to make a meaningful difference for you.
Is your motivation resting on powerful principles like purpose, passion, values, self-trust, interest, curiosity, love of learning?
Or is it relying on false idols? Fear of punishment. Fitting in. Others ideas of success. Image. Reputation. Other people’s opinions.
You want to pull the right levers to unlock your potential and uplevel your engagement with your goals… and with life.
Are you Ready to Engage?
Start your engine. You have the dashboard and levers in front of you! :
I’ll be your co-pilot!
If it’s within your relationship with food and body, I utilize 3 key pillars that pull together the science of motivation to support your freedom.
Learn new ways of being with your body and food with a step-by-step framework, built-in support, a 16-week curriculum with video modules, practices, and downloadable worksheets.
PS: I am not anti-diet; I am anti- diet culture. I believe in body autonomy and your right to do with your body what feels appropriate.
My role is to help you refine the actions that are value-driven and don’t waste your time and money; restore a relationship with food and body that is expansive vs suffocating; and recalibrate your mind and emotions so you can live up to your potential.
If you’re looking for something more private and have goals around or beyond food and body, I offer one-on-one coaching. My goal is to hold space for whatever you bring to the table, and we’ll work together to find a way through! I bring all of my personal and professional expertise into our sessions to support your uncovering and understanding so you can feel confident in making choices for your best self.
Not sure which would be the best fit for you?
Schedule a no-obligation connection call with me!
I’d love to learn about you, and if it feels right, I can make a recommendation!
Comments