It’s everywhere, right? Diet talk. Body bashing. The incessant hum of negativity directed at your appearance.
We’re constantly inundated with messages about the "ideal" body and the latest diet or nutrition trends that claim to be the holy grail of fat loss and health!
It’s no surprise that so many women struggle with self-love and body acceptance.
I know, I know! Before you jump ship with all this talk about self-love, hear me out!
Can you actually say you love yourself? For real!
Look, I am not saying you shouldn’t want to change your body!
PS: I'm also not saying you should!
Heck, there are things I’d like to be different about my body, and I teach this stuff!
I am also not saying that your intention should be body love!
Although, can you imagine what life would be like if all we had for our bodies was pure love?!
I’m personally not there, but if that’s your goal, I’ll be your biggest cheerleader!
Check out my online course if you want to know the 4 concrete steps to get there!
But what I see most, as a mindset coach, health coach, and mind-body nutrition coach working with women is how much of their energy is taken up with worries about their bodies, weight, and other people’s opinions about their appearance, and as such...
Obsessing about food.
Putting their lives on the back burner.
Sending messages to their kids that body shame is normal!
Starving themselves because… ???
No! No more!
My clients and I spend a lot of time together dismantling diet culture so they can live their lives (including how to eat and be with their body) with confidence, agency, self-compassion, and true self-acceptance.
But an even more crucial part of that process involves understanding and shoring up their core capacity, physically, mentally, and emotionally!
So...
How’s your core capacity?
If you have ever found yourself saying, "I hate my body," keep reading.
We will explore one monster mindset coaching strategy that you can apply right now to transition from self-loathing to self-love…
Or anything in between!
How to Stop Hating Your Body: Grow Your Core Capacity
Core capacity goes beyond the physical strength of your ab muscles!
In fact, it’s much deeper than anything related to your body composition!
You’ll find a lot of definitions in various spheres of industry, but for me (for us!) your core represents who you are —your essence, your soul, the nucleus within you from which your truth emanates.
Sound a little woo? So be it! But consult any philosophy text, and you’re going to find it!
As for capacity, it’s your inner strength, resilience, flexibility, and adaptability!
It’s the internal space you have cultivated to be in this life, with all the things that come your way!
Building your core capacity involves nurturing your mental and emotional well-being alongside your physical health…
Because they all work together.
This holistic approach empowers you to develop a strong sense of self, independent of societal pressures and unrealistic beauty standards.
When you focus on growing your core capacity, you are focusing on inside-out wellness.
What this means for you is feeling like you can do hard things.
Like you don’t get yanked around by unhelpful or uncomfortable emotions or thoughts.
Like you trust yourself to make wise decisions and feel confident in your skin!
Like you aren’t relying on behaviors to cope that you know are hurting you in the long run!
Like you can shift your thoughts to focus on what is helpful, optimistic, and aligned with your values.
Like negative thoughts about your body come and go like leaves blowing in the breeze.
Like "how to stop hating your body" isn't something you'd need to Google!
Recognizing and Navigating Negative Self-Talk
Growing your capacity to shift your relationship with your body begins with recognizing the negative self-talk that perpetuates body hate.
Phrases like "I hate my body" are often so deeply ingrained that we barely even notice when they occur in our minds or how they impact our emotions and subsequent actions!
Negative body thoughts often originate from external influences such as media, family, or peers.
But they also correlate with difficult life circumstances and the emotions that occur with them!
Sometimes negative thoughts about your body follow feelings that you don’t like or don’t know how to deal with.
Negative thoughts about your body can actually be considered a coping mechanism. Not a super functional one, but a coping mechanism, nonetheless.
I work with a woman who said to me recently, “I think about food any time something happens in my life that makes me anxious. And then I think about how my body is disgusting.”
Let’s break it down:
You feel anxious after receiving a text from a friend that has you wondering if they’re mad at you.
You start thinking about how gross you are and how your stomach is folding over itself.
Can you relate?
For many of us, focusing on our bodies is a way to feel like we’re in control when we feel out of control!
Yes, I know it sounds nonsensical, but often what’s happening is subconscious.
These two things have become linked, and the more you do them, the stronger that linkage becomes.
You may not even realize at this point how connected your negative body thoughts are to your emotions or specific types of circumstances that bring you anxiety or discomfort!
And this is exactly the point! We must develop awareness of what happens for us in order to change it!
Here’s a 3-step process you can start DIYing the heck out of:
Build Awareness: Start by becoming aware of the negative body thoughts. Write them down and get acquainted with them! Don’t do anything with them. Try not to judge yourself for having them! Minds make thoughts! Awareness is just about observing and seeing what’s there. Pretend like you’re a baby seeing something for the very first time!
This is an exercise that can help you to expect them later on down the road. If you expect it, and you’re familiar with it, it’s far less scary.
What are they? Write them down, word for word.
What is their tone of voice? And do they remind you of anyone or a memory from your history?
When do they happen? See if you can identify the specific triggers that lead to them. They might occur when you’re injured, when you’re experiencing pain, when you just ate something that you’re thinking is “bad” or “fattening,” when you’re experiencing relational conflict, when you’re trying to make a tough decision about something, when you are exercising, when you’re getting dressed to go to a social event.
What preceded them? This is not the same as the triggers that I mentioned above. It's even more granular! Let’s use the example of you’re getting dressed for a social event and you notice a thought like “I’ve gained so much weight!” Was something tight and uncomfortable on your body? Were you having thoughts about being judged or people noticing your body?
**You might take a week or two just to do step 1!
Carry a little journal with you so you can jot down what popped into your mind throughout the day. Or choose pockets of moments throughout the day to check-in and see what’s rolling around up there between your ears!
**Also, keep in mind… and this is SOOOO important: We are wired for connection. On an evolutionary level, we couldn’t survive without others appreciating/validating/or valuing us. To belong is a core psychological need!
So if you believe that you'll be rejected or ridiculed because of the way you look, it makes sense that you’d be experiencing negative body thoughts.
I worked with an amazing woman who agonized for weeks over her body and clothing for a pool party with good friends because she was convinced they were going to comment on her weight gain.
They didn't.
These people mattered to her, so to think they might ridicule her was extremely anxiety provoking.
But consider the different events you might attend with people whom you don't even know.
Do the people you’re with really matter? Do they have a say in your life where your body is concerned? And... are you projecting a negative future for which you have no evidence will occur?
I work with a woman whose father has ridiculed and commented on her body since she was a child. Every male in her lineage criticizes people they see, wherever they go, on their choice of hairstyle, dress, and body size or shape. She recognizes that she can’t change him, and she cannot have an honest, respectful conversation with him. So she has to do a very hard thing—set boundaries around the time she spends with him.
She has children that she doesn’t want exposed to his fat-phobic behavior.
Hard, yes. And she’s growing her capacity to do these hard things!
2. Navigate: Once you’ve really gotten to know them, you can go in a number of different directions. Remember those books as a kid that gave you different adventures to choose from? Yes, like that! So I’m going to share with you a few different adventures! Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or societal constructs. This can feel like wrestling a snake, let me tell you! It’s not actually my favorite “adventure” for this reason but go for it if you like slippery things!
You may end up in circular arguments, but doing the work might actually help you a lot!
Let’s just look at a quick example of how this might work out:
Thought: “My thighs are huge!”
Inquiry: Is this a fact or societal construct?
Kori’s professional opinion: The question is black and white. BIG NO in my book. Maybe your thighs are huge… compared to your mom’s, your best friend’s, your dad’s, or your dog’s!
And… based on societal constructs, you likely have a biased view of thigh size!
So both are true!
Here’s what I’d do with this thought: I’d follow it up with, “Yes! You’ve been weight training since you were 14, you climb mountains on your bike every week, and you’re strong! Yes, your thighs are huge! Look what they do for you!
This may really help, and it’s a lot of work, especially if you’re not familiar with the strategy of turning the thought inside out into something affirming and celebratory!
But absolutely, give this a try. It helps to take the emotion out of it and get super objective with whatever you’re describing.
See ideas below!
You need your thighs!
You wouldn’t have your kid if you didn’t have this stomach!
So you’re fat! You’re also creative, funny, and clever!
Here’s another adventure:
Acknowledge that the thought occurred by saying something like, “There you are,” and then let it pass on by.
Imagine it like a cloud in the sky, rolling on through. Thoughts are strings of words. Like individual ingredients in a recipe. One at a time, they don’t mean anything!
Or, if you like to fish, you can play the game of catch and release.
You see it, you catch it (acknowledge it), and then release it. You don’t need to hang onto it.
Or, if you ever fart (you don’t need to hide it), you can approach it like a fart.
Let it out, let it go!
Finally, you could choose this adventure:
Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that celebrate your uniqueness and worth beyond physical appearance.
Now, I know for me that affirmations can be tricky.
If they feel fake, I just end up feeling like a fraud.
Pick statements that aren’t over the top. For me, it might sound like this:
You have a huge heart, Kori!
What matters most is how you show up on the inside.
Every time you let thoughts like this go, you’re training your mind!
What are you practicing? (This is my personal reminder that no matter what we do, we’re practicing something. I want to be practicing something generative and helpful long-term)!
What always helps me is to focus on my purpose in this moment! When I do, I get out of a performance mindset, which is the fast track to feeling a sense of pressure vs possibility!
3. Reframe: Shift your focus from what you dislike about your body to what you appreciate. This could be as simple as recognizing the strength of your legs for carrying you through the day or the resilience of your skin for protecting you.
This step is similar to one of the adventures you could choose above!
But it’s aimed at very deliberate appreciation!
We absolutely want to practice noticing the good, so we notice the good more often!
You can do it like this: “Yes, and…”
This is actually a strategy that builds mental toughness.
It incorporates the acknowledgement of the thought with the “yes,” and follows it up with something that is optimistic.
All of these exercises capitalize on the plasticity of your mind!
And with different thoughts, you actually change the shape and structure of your brain!
Changing your thoughts causes changes in your mind causes changes in your brain causes changes in your life!
Conclusion
So what do you think?!
I can’t wait to hear what you notice when you really start to pay attention in a non-judgmental way and actively work with your mind!
Email me and share which adventures you try, and how they felt for you!
If you need more support, let’s connect!
We can talk about your goals and discuss which of my programs would be the best fit!
Click the button below to request a complimentary consultation!
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