When I decided to dive into the deep end of understanding myself, I documented my learnings along the way. As a therapist and coach, I invite my clients to do the same. In whatever way feels meaningful to them, I ask that they reflect in between sessions, with the events of their lives as their classrooms, about what they're curious about, seeing differently, feeling into, approaching in a new way, or being guided by.
This week I'd like to share with you ten profound and inspiring learnings that I've been honored to be a part of exploring with my clients. They are gently practicing integrating these insights into their lives and discovering that often what feels as if it's in the way, is the way.
When your child has behaved in way that activates you as a parent, practice separating the behavior from the child. Children must learn that their worth is never in question. You do not have to be a parent for this to apply. Implement this way of being toward yourself.
Implement warmth + structure/boundaries to support kids in feeling psychologically and practically safe. For those of you who do not have children, the same goes for approaching yourself! No structure is chaotic, and our brains do not like constant uncertainty. It leads to fear and insecurity. Too much structure, and our sense of choice becomes threatened.
Sharing how you feel with others is an act of love, not an invitation for conflict. Setting a boundary is letting others know you, and that's a gift. Whether they accept the gift or not, does not validate or negate what's important to you.
When you don't know what to do, gather all the intellectual, fact-based data available, then listen for the voice of your heart and gut. Your intuition is valid information.
You can feel a bunch of different ways all at the same time, and there's nothing wrong with you.
I do actually care what people think, but not what all people think. Only a handful of people's thoughts really matter to me, and sometimes only in certain situations, with specific topics.
Closure often comes from inside ourselves.
We will often move into fixing a situation or giving advice to someone in distress or discomfort, because we cannot hold space for our own distress and discomfort.
I am not responsible for the feelings of others. I am responsible for the approach and tone I take, my emotions, and the words I use.
Love is not all I need. I need safety, security, a sense of significance and importance, belonging, respect, understanding, trust, and space to grow.
What a week it has been. I'm in awe of the courage and curiosity that my clients bring to our time together. To be in collaboration with them is a privilege.
My hope is that you might find a nugget among these that resonates and can be applied to your life.
Here is a bonus nugget, for good measure:
Important truths can be mined from our triggers. The goal as we grow is not to never be triggered; it's to use the trigger to more deeply understand our wounds and meet the hurt with the care we needed long ago.
As always, I'm here to support you in your self-awareness journey. Understanding who and how we are is the foundation for what we do in this life. If you'd like to discuss coaching, you know where to find me. Please reach out via email: dr.koricoaching@gmail.com
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